michael sam

Michael Sam Breaks for Red Light [Satire]

Former University of Missouri football player Michael Sam became the first openly gay football unrestricted free-agent to break for a red light while driving home after learning he did not make the opening day roster. After being informed that he did not make the final cut for the St. Louis Rams, Sam got into his vehicle and proceeded to drive home. Roughly a half mile into his journey, he approached a four-way intersection and courageously applied his breaks to bring the vehicle to a complete stop. His car remained motionless until which time the traffic light turned green, at which point he proceeded to apply the gas pedal and continued on his route.

ESP-Ander, the world-wide leader in overkill, will assemble a panel of experts to analyze Sam’s drive during its prime-time broadcast of “Everything That Has Nothing to do With the Game.” The network issued a statement via the social networking site Tooter, in which they tooted, “We salute Michael Sam for his courage, quick reactions and respect of traffic laws. It is our hope that this will show the world that gay Americans are as conscientious as any drivers are.”

By Dignitas News Service Satire